Monster

Today has been a return to D. That is the abbreviated name of my personal monster.

Like every evening the trains are busy. But tonight my carriage is almost empty.

The skinny aboriginal stares at me. I'm not a pretty sight. My face anyway. It's apparently attractive but I have a permanent snarl and I'm constantly told my eyes are frighteningly cold.

Place that on top of a tall, asian slender body and it's not a surprise I get my fair share of attention.
I also don't look very asian. I have distinctive high cheek bones, large round eyes, coloured light brown/caramel hair and as aforementioned I'm quite tall (for an asian) and thin.

I stare at him and silenty snicker at his body odour, his obvious lack of life focus, a laziness that enemates from his slumped figure.
He uncrossed his arms and gets up beside me when the train draws to the stop.

His large nostrils flare and he looks me up and down. As he's about to step out he turns away from me and I silently reach my right arm around his face and quickly pull my blade across his brown neck.

I wait till the whistle blows then push his slumping body onto the dark platform.

I'm grinning at his ashen face staring back at me as the train pulls away.
Good. I feel so much better.

Today has been very stressful.
Lack of food gets me quite snappy.
It upsets an inbalance and I get very pissed off.

Normally I'm calm, collected and (allegedly) frustratingly unfriendly. I'm not antisocial, I just despise participating in mindless chit chat during office hours.

Yesterday I had enough. I emailed my friend - L - re the new job to get to the bottom of it all. He'll check with his colleague as the latter is away this wk.

There is a strong list of things I really hate:

* Messiness, dirtiness, germs
* Laziness
* Tardiness
* Lack of ambition/goals
* Lack of keeping to promises
* Waiting

I also hate mosquitoes & mangoes.

I've again recently been staying away from sex. I think it's smelly, messy and emotions are bound to rear it's ugly head.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not frigid.
I have a history of promiscuity and if I was a man I would literally be walking around with a hard on more then a few times a day.

I also mastabate at least once a day and have in most relationships exhausted my partner with an insatiable sexual appetite.

But I find it imperative to control sex. Not for being a snob and to reject men just because I can, but purely so I can control myself. I'm an emotional bitch sometimes.

Nevertheless I find most men appallingly immature, disgusting (in manner), and more interested in seeing who has the upper hand.

The last issue is all about them not replying to texts, waiting a week to call, trying not to appear too eager, not having initative, blah blah blah...

I simply don't have the time. If I'm interested I make an effort. I return all calls and messages, I don't even wait for you to ask me out, I WILL call you.
But if you are a lazy shit and think I'll be still avail after two weeks without you even bothering to ask to meet for a drink, get fucked.
I'm sorry but the world doesn't wait for maybes or laziness. I sure as hell don't.

So yes...next week should clear things up for me.

I had this racy thought yesterday as I was mastubating of getting fucked from behind by L on his desk or forcing him to fuck me missionary reminiscent of Demi Moore & Michael Douglas in Disclosure.

I'm very tempted to set off the fire alarm and lock our stupid assistant in the building tomorrow. I'm going to bed imagining her jumping to her death out the window. I'll watch from a car fucking a client whilst I choke him with a stocking.

My monster and I are very hungry today.